Finding Meaning in Life is Easier Than You Think: Part 2
Once you are able to safely anchor into the present (see Part I), it will be easier to work on the second domain of Meaning in Life, which involves revisiting the past.
What is Coherence?
“Coherence” means a sense of comprehensibility that your life’s events fit together and make sense. It does not mean that everything that has happened to you will make sense, but rather it is our ability to meaningfully understand and integrate our remembered past, present, and imagined future. Coherence has been shown to be one of the strongest indicators of well-being. As humans, we like for things to make sense and connect to stability amidst chaos.
Coherence is not about being able to make sense of things the very moment they happen, but about being able to look back on the events of our lives and tell a coherent story. This life review can be an impactful meaning-making process. It can help move us from a story defined by difficulties to a narrative characterized by strength and resilience. You may not have been able to choose the family you were born into, the body you inhabit, or the stressors and trauma that characterizes our human condition. However, you do get to choose how you define your story.
I want to be clear that this is not an “everything happens for a reason” domain of meaning in life. As someone who works primarily with trauma, I find that narrative to be incredibly unhelpful and invalidating. It is not why things happen to us, but how can we use our past to inform our present, and motivate our future.
If there are life events or experiences that you feel completely alienated from your life, and there is intense distress in revisiting, please be gentle. Connecting with a therapist and revisiting these moments in a safe, compassionate, and gradual way is one way to actively work on coherence.
Exploratory Coherence Questions
If I could name the book of my life, what would I title it? What would the name of each chapter be? If chapters feel too overwhelming, try naming 3-5 sections of the book. For example, my year 1 chapter may be titled “My Mother Didn’t Know Babies Could Smile Until She Had My Younger Brother.”
Are there interests, hobbies, or curiosities that have been present throughout my life?
What moments in my life feel fragmented? How have these moments helped me become the person I am today?
What is my process for integrating difficult experiences into my life narrative (i.e., journaling, reflection, meditation, talking to friends, therapy, etc…)?
Activities and Exercises Start Building Coherence
Daily Rituals and Routines: Rituals and routines have been shown to enhance our mood, bolster a sense of control in our lives, and directly enhance meaning in life. Establishing or reestablishing some daily routines and habits can be a direct way to work on coherence.
Connecting Actions to Values: Think about sources of significance (see part I) and ask yourself “what are daily / weekly / monthly activities that align with what matters most to me?”
Self-Reflection and Visualization: Journal or reflect on moments that you’d like to integrate into an updated sense of self. Are there moments that highlight a deep sense of strength, resilience, curiosity, or commitment that can be re-integrated as important sources of identity? Visualize yourself in those moments and see if you can contact those qualities in the here and now.
Naming and Re-Naming Your Story: Revisit the first coherence exploratory question. If your life was a book, what title would you give it? Notice the first one that comes to mind and then see if you can rename it into something that feels aligned with your preferred self-story. Write down chapter names for different sections of your life. How do these chapter names reflect unhelpful or helpful narratives about yourself? How would you name the next chapter of your life in a way that feels empowering and motivating?
Next Steps
As you move through the world, notice the running narrative that your mind constructs about you, others, and the world. Are there ways that your sense of self is defined by a story that needs to be updated? Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) redirects activities of coherence away from trying to figure out what self-stories are true or false. Instead, we focus on what narratives are helpful or unhelpful. Notice your mind trying to hold onto old patterns as you begin to re-author your life story. Mental habits take time to update, so be compassionate towards yourself as you work towards building new perspectives.
It is never too late to update the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves. Continue strengthening your present moment awareness (Part I) as a way to anchor yourself while exploring questions related to coherence. These exercises will help with the next, and most often discussed component of meaning in life: Purpose.